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September 12, 2018


But believe me when I tell you that you’re stronger than that Move on work on pleasing Allah and you will have no regrets But just to make things easy for you here are 21 practical steps you can take to get over that haram relationship divided up into seven categories: Just Knock it Off 1 End the Relationship Cold Turkey Enough with the games already Stop dipping your toes in the water and jump in If you think you’re going to try to “downgrade” the relationship a little bit then forget it Someone asking for advice once said that he thought it would be a good idea that instead of hanging out as often they would just talk on the phone and meet for coffee every once in a while It simply doesn’t work Stopping cold turkey is the first step In fact it’s the only real step that you have to take The rest of what I’m going to share is simply how to manage yourself after you take. “Whoever has wronged his brother with regard to his honour or something let him ask him for forgiveness before the time when there will be neither dinar nor dirham and if he has any good deeds it will be taken from him in proportion to the wrong he did and if he does not have any good deeds (hasanaat) some of the other person’s evil deeds (sayi’aat) will be taken and given to him to bear.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari 2296) I hope this has helped you in some way and I hope insha’Allah you make the right decision P.S: It may seem difficult and at times impossible but you have to take that first step and know that when you do it won’t be easy and you have to stay strong If you are not strong you will go back to it again with him Throughout the whole thing stay strong and explain to him why and then. But what if that person is your boss or someone like that and you have to face him daily what should be done? and how to stay strong? Immigration from a Muslim country to a non Muslim country is haram There is nothing to justify it other than prosecution But our patents insisted on it knowing the options for for their children especially their daughters was non-existent When I ask religious people how to get married they think Allah SWT has bestowed the internet as a beautiful means of finding a spouse– because a good girl like me should be paying money to a website to sift through hundreds of charlatans who can barely speak English and don’t have citizenship I am not a passport sorry — nor will I ever accept immigration as a means of Muslim progress Oh yeah and Muslim girls over age 35 — soooo old they MUST marry a nice 50-something because of course every girl dreams of being a. Hi sister I am in the same situation contact me if you want. Sister Naz it is not necessarily about attitude You are missing my point – my point was that the practical realities are such that muslim girls have a very difficult time to get married and after a certain age their opportunities are almost zero Giving someone up for the sake of Allah may bring blessings in paradise but the practical opportuntiies do not magically open up We’re talking about a huge demographic (i.e more muslim men) and attitudinal (girls 35+ are attractive) change that will not happen in our lifetime Yes as part of our faith we must believe in Allah’s miracles Miracles were bestowed on the Holy Prophets of Kamu harus tahu akupun masih ingin menghabiskan waktu bersama teman-temanku untuk sekedar ngobrol atau creambath di salon Dan tak ingin apa yang disebut “kewajiban” membuatku terisolasi dari pergaulan ketika aku semakin disibukkan dengan urusan rumah h bukan untuk menghapus identitas kita sebagai individu tapi kita tahu kita harus selalu menghormati hak masing-masing tanpa melupakan buru-buru menikahiku jika saat ini kamu sungkan pada orang tuaku dan merasa tidak nyaman karena waktu semakin menunjukkan kekuasaannya Bagiku hidup lebih dari angka yang kita sebut umur aku tidak ingin menikah hanya karena kewajiban atau untuk menyenangkan h denganmu adalah salah satu keputusan terbesar di hidupku yang tidak ingin kusesali hanya karena terburu-buru. Waalakum Asalaam Sister I was in the exact same position as you I was in a haraam relationship 5 years ago (that seems like a long time ago but hear me out) and throughout the entire process I kept telling the sister to tell her parents and things used to always come up (even though they were legit things they did come up which stopped the whole process moving forward) When families did finally meet I didn’t feel comfortable towards the end when halls were being booked as I felt that this showed me I wasn’t compatible with her and there were general signs that things shouldn’t. I agree brother that it cannot be justified as ideal or halaal I’m just saying we shouldn’t go the extra mile and say it cannot be RECTIFIED in the future or that it cannot lead to happy s wherein couple repents for the past but is “right” in the present and future. Salaam to the moderators Can I ask how do I edit my posts? I am rather new here and I am quite unsure how to lol Jazakallah :-) I have been asked this question repeatedly by my non-Muslim friends and colleagues “How do you guys get married find someone to settle down with?” And I really have no response When I was in my 20s and early 30s online matchmaking did not exist in those days So I used to just answer the question by saying that we get introduced to prospectives by our families So then the question becomes “Oh so does YOUR family do that”….and the answer was usually no or “rarely” due to lack of resources laziness it was too much trouble they were too old by the time I reached able age etc So yes I agree that muslim women have no options. @lulu Yes There is contact him and ask him to send the proposal for but don’t close the doors for him if he is doing nothing except talking there are only few people in the world as. So you finally came to your senses That girl or guy you’ve been talking to is not the best thing that’s ever happened to you and definitely not helping you advance or get closer to Allah You know it’s wrong you want to get over it you want to move on but it’s just so hard and no one understands you! InshaAllah it’s all going to be alright I’ve heard it all before especially working with youth It may be the single most difficult sin to convince someone to leave I knew a brother who left Islam for a girl because when all else fails this is the last arrow Shaytan throws at the believer because it works And that’s why we need real practical ways to just get over it The fact that you’re here and reading this is a step in the right direction You may not think so now but you WILL get over it After all Allah. Well alhamdulilah that was some awesome advice i was having this problem with this one guy he won’t just give me up and when i would tell him we could just be friends he would always try to convince me to be with him and finally i just broke it off i told i have to do this for the sake of allah and if we continue it will just bring us away from allah I’m too nice i have to learn to be more firm i guess i give people chances but i need to be more mean i guess and think of the outcome of things And never say never for you never know what Allah has in store for you Dont look at nationalities and pray that you marry someone who is good for your akhira deen. May Allah help us all brothers and sisters we all have the same nafs/desires when it comes to the opposite sex it is incredibly easy to fall into the clutches of the shaytaan who beautifies the haraam for us the love which follows after a will be much sweeter for us and don’t our spouses deserve from us to have unloved hearts by the will of Allah our hearts are worth more than gold May Allah save us and guide us indeed. You dont even realize the extent that my mom is suffering and we are suffering I dont wish this upon anyone and I dont want anyone to ever go through this I know this is a pretty extreme example but it could happen to anyone My dad would always tote his piety well so much for that No one is free from falling into fitnah were all weak MAY ALLAH S.W.T PROTECT US FROM FALLING INTO SIN ESPECIALLY SUCH MAJOR ONES! AMEEN! For those of you who possess even a small amount of sense remember to be forewarned is to be forearmed THIS COULD BE YOUR FUTURE!!! WAKE UP FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE AND KIDS LEAVE THIS PERSON AND HARAM RELATIONSHIP DO TAWBA AND MOVE ON!!! Last words: you should only love the person who you are in a nikkah with Any relationship outside of nikkah is worthless and will bring you so much pain I love you all that’s why I opened up with my own life I just hope it is of benefit iA! Interesting article But im a little confused about what to do right now You see i started out (may Allah forgive me) being in a haram relationship entirely based on phone calls and text messages But now this guy and I we’re planning on getting our nikkah done soon because we realized what we’re doing is wrong Should i stop talking to him or focus on getting nikkahed to him ASAP? Will we be happy? Because even though our foundation was haram our realization of late has made us better individuals Keeping in mind that we must ask forgiveness from. Its not just about You can marry anyone and does not guarantee love etc Sometimes you need a companion Kind of a best friend and its very hard to get over it when you lose a person who was a good friend whom you could tell everything and was emotionally and romantically involved with them too I am not sure if my feelings will change after or will i feel fulfilled? I make dua but i am confused… U r doing good every person should only believe in Allah and in Muhammad (PBUH) and holy.   8 Let it All Out Talk to Allah and tell Him how you feel – in whatever language you know how Cry to Him if you want to Do whatever you can to get closer to Him So if you weren’t already praying tahhajud every night take some baby steps Allah has an open door policy 9 Do What You Love Do things that you actually enjoy doing Yes it’s critical to do acts of worship but also do things that you really love to do Play sports go hiking head to the driving range watch a movie Fill your time with things that will engage and fulfill you – and keep your mind from being where it doesn’t need. What is good about this is that this article talks about filling the void also So often we try to just remove haraam from our lives without substituting any halal for it Jazak’Allah I would say it is any relationship with the opposite gender which has desire associated with it on either side and is not directly leading to Rough description but basically haram relationships are haram before any actions happen even when just the lust/desire is there I think that’s what makes it harder because you think it’ll never get there but then when there’s an opportunity to do something haram it’s difficult to not do it All the while it gets harder to leave the person. And I am definitely not an advocate of arranged s by any stretch of the imagination I’m not sure how/if I gave that impression There are plenty of outlets for people to get to know each other in a wholesome environment (talk hang out get to know each other ask questions and see if they click) I strongly believe that there needs to be chemistry before The right environment for that must be observed – and only when the intention is purely for So true After reading that article It made me feel a lot better I wasn’t in a haraam relationship but there was a christian guy that i had a crush on since 13 We both liked each other But i refused to admit my feelings to him because i knew it would be haraam I kept myself busy but there are times that i greatly miss him Its been six years and i sometimes wonder whether if i ever find true. Great Article enuff said their is no other way but to surrender to the Al-Khaliq. Does his younger brother know about your relationship with the guy? I don’t think so If you don’t completely cut him off you will never get over him You will see him at family meetings etc etc There will always be a guilt If you want to move on and come back to the deen you need to get these people out of your life It’s unfortunate that the younger brother got involved but it is not fair to him if you. Assalam Wa Alaykum sis :) Lol this is a pretty late reply but I just want you to know that I too was in a haraam relationship but Alhumdullilah got out of it In the beginning it’s kinda hard but it gets easier and in the end you end up thinking why the hell you didn’t end this earlier? XD I hope Allah (SWT) gave you the strength to ditch the guy and please always remember that HE is Ar Rahman and Ar Rahim; no matter how badly you think you sinned sincerely make tawbah and he’ll forgive you :) Allah (SWT) loves his creations ^_^ This was exactly what I needed Jazak’allah! I just hope. Jim Rohn once said, “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me”.I know this entry is all over the place but I’m half awake so do forgive me I hope you find this post helpful As for me call me philophobic but I am personally afraid to be in a relationship again But when the time comes I hope the guy I end up with will be proud with the lady I have become If you happen to read this whoever you may be please know that not a day passes that I don’t make do’a for you and for us Wherever you are in this world I hope you are also striving to be your best self May Allah make it easy for us to find our way to each other See you when I see you!Ending this cringey post with one of my favorite quotes.

Its a very unhealthy type of love People in drunk love make very drastic choices and lose themselves This type of love is essentially strong chemical reactions happening in your entire body in this type of love eventually it becomes all about power struggles and manipulate the other person and taking advantage of their weakness It becomes about owning and possessing them You feel sad hurt and jealous if they spend time with their friends and not with you You want need and crave their attention Without it you feel less as a person You feel less than whole Its a love that is based on false attachments and so its doomed to fail and while you are in it you are miserable to. Hyde Brother contact me & I will tell you about me I was years ago in the same situation as you,but Allah has put me on the right path but I had to make the 1st move I will try to help you come off this disease Appropriate and ideal it is not But when there are not so many options then ? There are websites that offer services for free I have to admit sadly I have also been sent such filth! I have also received pictures of a man in his underwear on a matchmaking website I blocked him straight away and thanked Allah for He saved me from someone terrible; always better to know what someone is truly like sooner rather than later But on the other hand I do have to add I have met some true muslim gentlemen through matchmaking websites and who are respectful and will honour you I am so sorry that you have such little help The men around you are not fulfilling their obligations Really hoping someone comes along with better advice and helpful solutions Will keep you in my duas May Allah indeed be merciful. If u people are so much scared Allah then why are you giving promisses the men you where loving.i dont think Allah will opose. I wish I seen this too three years back….it still hurts. My heart goes out to you Single Samosa May Allah give you patience and bless you with a good husband who will be worth the wait and more importantly become the coolness of your eyes There are a couple of duas that may be of help “Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A’yunin waj’alna lil-muttaqina imama.” “Our Lord! grant us in our mates and offspring the joy of our eyes and make us patterns for those who guard against evil.” (25:74) “Rabbi inni lemaa anzalta elayya min khairin faqeer” (28: 24) “Oh Allah! You have made every living thing in pairs The sincere beautiful and pious pair that you have created for me please give it to me” The latter is the dua of Hazrat Musa Alayhisalaam We tend to forget Allah swt loves us 7 times more than our blessed mothers Have certainty and trust in what Allah has decreed for you will be best. Alhamdulilah bro u said it all happy now lust,love infactuation probblem of the youths nowadays no wonder they said after GOD fear women(very difficult to understand creatures) may ALLAH ease each and every-one of us affairs and make nikkah easy fo the single ones. Salaam Leon Sounds like you’re a nice guy You’re ready for now? Find a nice chaste sister and go about things the right way Don’t lose faith and feel shitty The steps outlined in this article are suited to you too Hang on to your dignity fill your life with good stuff and let this one go – she’s not a good. See my friend What you mean is actually right but #9 where you encourage or give advice regarding watching movies is wrong Please correct your mistakes and consult an Aalim So whatever Allah. Single Samosa – that’s really hard :( I’m sorry to hear about your troubles However I don’t think that a relationship with a non-Muslim is the answer – it would just give you more heartache in the long run especially if you had to deal with living with a man who isn’t really convinced of the beliefs and lifestyle that you’ve obviously sacrificed so much for over your life Please don’t give up As impossible as it sounds I have known other Muslim women in your position who DID get married You should come to the forum (I’m a member it’s an ic forum) and ask for help a lot of the women there are tough cookies who could help. I wasn’t judging anyone – I was talking specifically about myself and other girls who have reached their 40s and remained chaste – we do not now want to be reduced to an advertisement on the internet I disagree that paying money is harmless — it is not appropriate I have bills to pay I have to support myself I can’t hand over money to websites I just can’t With due respect I have tried on 8 websites for 8 years I have received pictures of men with bare chests I have been asked to send money to people so they can fly to my country and meet my parents You are saying this is ic whereas the police in my country are issuing media alerts to women using websites warning them that predators abound I have been on websites for years and years and despite your opinion I speak from personal experience that they are not honourable The day I received a picture of a nice muslim man in his underwear was the day I decided. This path may seem very difficult but trust me…take the first step and ALLAH SWT will hold you and guide you through it I myself have taken the first step and have been going through many difficult phases but believe me ALLAH’s help is always there. Prophet Muhammad SAW has advised us on all matters including the criteria to look in your potential spouse,Which can be read here : /do-you-want-to-get-married/ May Allah save us from everything that doesn’t Please Him Here’s my situation : I’love a girl she’s muslim Al-Hamd-Li-Allah and we have been together for a while even we had plans for but things turned since we made love may god forgive us Now we are no longer together but really I love her and I want to marry her So I need advice what to do should I marry her if she accept that or I’ve to move on and say goodbye to. Mashaallah Zai you just said it all True Not everyone can be perfect or start off perfect And Allah is the most merciful most forgiving. ““If something starts off wrong it doesn’t just become right with time.” Implication is that only s that start out the halaal way “arranged” are. People spend way too much of their youth thinking about It’s even a phenomenon with religious youth – actually maybe even more so with them since they’d rather think of than something haram If you’re not ready you’re not ready Allah says: “Let them who find not the means for remain chaste until Allah gives them means by His grace.” (Quran 24:33) Dear Sister I do not think your situation is different from the lady that came to the prophet (SAW) asking him (SAW) to marry her when eventually a sahaba asked the prophet (SAW) that if he the Prophet (SAW) was not interested he the sahaba was interested My prayer for you other muslim brothers and sisters is that Allah SWT should answer your prayers and provide you with a loving and caring God fearing and devoted partner I pray also for those of us looking for the second third nd fod forth may Almighty Allah bestow on us righteous partners Ameen ^ ^ ^ ^ Exactly the type of situation I was talking about! Get the Nikah done sister If you’ve both decided you’re good for eachother and want to get married then no reason to keep delaying it I wish you success and hope it goes well for. In sober love you are calm and collected You are in control of your emotions and you dont make crazy decisions because of the other person Sober love is the complete opposite of drunk love Your happiness and mood is in your control (by Allah’s Will) and you make decisions based on logic and not blind emotion You think clearly. I think you have hit the nail on the head with your second sentence “But when there are not so many options then ?” THAT was the point of my comment Other than family doing some ardent networking for their adult daughter a woman has no options This article tells us to move on from haram relationships focus on other things etc which is fine but the reality is most of us crave a loving and intimate relationship and most women truly desire to have children This article tells us what we are NOT supposed to do – it does not reassure us that as muslims living in non-muslim countries we have many ways of finding a spouse Even if a guy is looking to immigrate and leave behind their bad situation in their country it doesnt mean they wont be loving and caring towards you And Allah. If that didnt wake you up let me tell you a VERY PERSONAL STORY My dad and mom have been married for almost 30 years My mom recently found out thru an anonymous letter that her suspicions were true He RE-MARRIED YUP hes pretty old and he has three grown daughters and he re-married about 10 years ago and we found out now Apparently he never got over his ex-fiancee And still kept in contact with her and married her It’s A VERY SICK REALITY WE MUST LIVE WITH Im saying this not as an internet troll but as A WARNING I DONT WANT ANYONE’S HOUSES BROKEN LIKE MINE I dont want anyone to grow up with serious trust issues and having parents they cant rely on No one wants to realize their father did that to their mother I fear falling into the same sin GOD FORBID! Sister Aarzoo Supplicate ask Allah for forgiveness and help Do not tell anyone about your past sins Ask Allah to conceal them and forgive them May Allah increase our imaan and help us. I got married!I was 18 when I met her in a college library five years ago.I left my notebook at home that day and needed paper to write on for a homework assignment In search of scrap paper I looked to my left and there she was…I asked her for a single sheet of paper to use and she gave me three I was in the next year of being in school together we had many conversations and found we had a lot in common We both valued family altruism happiness spontaneity and living with there was one thing we could never agree on…She was a Christian and I a Muslim She didn’t understand how anyone could follow a cult of falsehood oppression sexism violence and is I never knew how to respond to her criticisms about because I wasn’t practicing my parents’ faith at. […] Get Over It: 21 Ways to Say Goodbye to that Haram Relationship and Move on With Your Life | MuslimMa… […] I still love him I dont have any friends what can help me most of them judge me:”Move on.” Easier said than done I thought he was the one… -a fellow sister. “the right environment for that must be observed – and only when the intention is purely for ” Yes Brother I agree…all of that would fall under halaal I’m just saying even people that do it in a haraam way that goes beyond even that great latitude…like straight out Western dating…They too can have happy s and later in life they can also become more religious and repent for the past Perhaps maxin of haraam foundations is not so black and white in this case Beyond two Muslims as said earlier…a non-Muslim could’ve been brought into Is a person saying shahadah ever a. Wa alaikum salam It was very heartening to read your comment May Allah Taala make it easy for us all ameen to do what is correct I feel therefore that I have made efforts in a circumstances that have challenged my very values I never interacted with the opposite sex but since everyone said internet matchmaking websites were oh-so-ic I gave it a good hard try for 8 years and at a huge financial cost to myself I have even mentioned to my mother that perhaps the men in my family if they are not going to help me they can help with the financial cost of such matters but they won’t. W/salam Remember verses from the Quran such as: Wa kafabillahi shaheeda ( Allah is sufficient as a witness) And Hasbunallahi wa na’mul wakeel (Allah is sufficient for us and He is the best Disposer of affairs) Remember that Allah is indeed looking at the hardships you’re putting yourself through and he does see all of our struggles Ask yourself why am I ending this? Look at your intention and then leave it completely to Allah to help you get through things and make things easier for you I’ve been in your shoes and Allah knows I still struggle but at the same time I need to trust Allah because what he has planned for us is truly better for us and will be in our favor May Allah help us all and if you’d like to talk more about this let me know. You’ve pretty much answered your own question seems like you’ve commented to give you a little push (somewhat understandably) You don’t want to marry a non muslim you know any further contact with her is unacceptable is leading you to sin and is making you feel distant from Allah Allah is the one who places love between two hearts so I don’t think you’re experiencing love at all With that in mind read the above article because it does apply In other words close this chapter rediscover yourself find a hobby and remember what Allah has promised “walk towards me and I shall run towards you!” so start walking! May Allah make it easy P S this article is 100% spot on… You just need to go cold turkey (I’d say frozen)…anything else makes it open to responses which you DO. Nice post i have another problem but it similiar with this post i never have love relationship with any guy but last year i met with a guy from internet and he added me as his friend and then we talk a lot times and we are being so close i start to love him But i don’t want to be caught by shaytan’s trap so i blocked him And i stop to talking with him even i’m still love him Am i right with did this to him? Or am wrong with blocking him because Prophet MUHAMMAD SAW said: لاَ يَدْخُلُ الْجَنَّةَ قَاطِعٌ ( It will not enter Paradise who decide silaturrahim ) ? What supposed. One thing I can certainly add to this is what happens in the future if you dont get over that haram relationship I heard about someone I knw that his wife of 5 years left him for someone she liked previous to So apparently she still kept in contact with him and turned to him during tough times and when she had rough patches in her The result shes living with her parents and her husband is going to divorce her Is that what you really want your futures to look like? A of 5 years down the drain for some good for nothing from. #9 10 and 20 are cruuuuucial!!! You NEED to have a life outside of this person A bajillion people will sigh and tell you ‘oh but you’re so cute together’ – take it from someone who wasn’t even in a relationship (just a crush) going cold turkey in one way or another is the way to go Give them a nice conversation don’t be abrupt – but close things off and don’t open them up in that direction again. This then begs the question given that I have asked religious people on how to find a husband and they don’t give me any practical steps and given that my family can’t help (even if they wanted to my parents are way too old) am I permitted to pursue non-ic channels? I don’t see why not Otherwise I will be alone trying to satisfy my needs by myself (and by “needs” I mean physical financial emotional sexual practical health labour repairs to my house dealing with auto mechanics etc). Dub87 congratulations on your pathway to May Allah give you peace and ease in your journey as you learn more about it and make your decision! The good news is that once someone accepts they have a clean slate and all of their past sins are forgiven And the beautiful part about it is that your journey has nothing to do with your feelings for an individual but rather your relationship with God My only concern with the brother you were friends with before is that he has started a relationship with someone else I don’t know the details but I would suggest that you submit a question through “What’s the Matter?” under the Contact link above with some more information so someone more qualified can share their thoughts May Allah always keep you in His protection and grant you happiness and satisfaction with everything that happens! As-Salamu Alaykum Single Samosa I can understand why you would want to avoid matrimonial sites They may work for some people but there are certain risks involved especially for women My question to you would be: What kind of community do you live in? Do you have the opportunity to socialize with other Muslims in your area? Do you have Muslim friends (women) whom you regularly see and interact with? Are you active at the local masjid or ic center? Assalamu alaikum I have been going through this situation right now iam a true believer and want to get closure to Allah S W T He is a Muslim and loves me a lot but he and his family is lower in there taqwa to Allah My parents are ready for him unless he is a momeen Even I want him to become a momeen who practices and he is ready for it Iam praying a lot to Allah to help him and his family to guide to the straight I doing it correct? Should I wait for it or move on? Plz Reply me as you read it JazakAllah khair. Do not complain excessively as worries will come your ِن ؛ Butآكْثِر من الحمدُلِله تأتيك آلسعَآدة “قال اللَّه عَزَّ وَجَلَّ في القرآن الكريم: { لَئِنْ شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ)Increase praising Allah and good fortune will come your way As الله says in the Honourable Quraan Verse: "And if you are thankful I will definitely increase (blessings) for you.” I did it for a rishta who seemed like a nice guy from a nice family…hmmmmmmm looks can be deceiving Neither the guy nor his family were as they seemed Not trying to scare you but doing istikhara saved me and brought the truth out Good luck to you let me know how things go and ur in my duas Take care <3 I left someone for the sake of ALLAH s.w.t because I knew it wasnt going anywhere I remembered that something that starts off wrong doesnt end up becoming right over time and a bad seed doesnt sprout a beautiful blossom I wanted barkat in my and I wanted the best man for me So I left the matter in ALLAH s.w.t’s hands I sacrificed my desires for ALLAH s.w.t’s sake Because isnt the one who created and fashioned me from his own hands blessed me guided me loved me protected and sustained me would he ever lead me wrong? Would he ever hurt me or put me in a difficult situation like the creation? ABSOLUTELY NOT It was one of the most difficult situations to do but I did it I followed the advice of this article and prayed to ALLAH s.w.t ALOT for help After making my decision I got a job after MONTHS of searching And ALHAMDULLILAH my life is soooooo much more peaceful and stress-free. In the istikhara dua we ask Oh ALLAH s.w.t you are the knower of the seen and unseen and all matters are in your hand if by your knowledge this action such as marrying so and so is good for me in your knowledge and good for me in my deen dunya and akhirah or present and later life then make it easy for me and bless me in it And if this decision is NOT good for me in my deen dunya akhirah or present and later life then take it away from me and take me away from it and bless me wherever blessings may be So the truth of the matter is ALLAH s.w.t perhaps doesnt think this man is good for you so you have to look deep within yourself and detach from him I know its not an easy task I’ve been here numerous and each time you detach and leave someone for ALLAH s.w.t it gets a little easier Over time the attachment. Jangan pilih aku sebagai istrimu jika nanti kamu lebih sering di kantor dan berkutat dengan pekerjaanmu bahkan di hari minggu daripada meluangkan waktu bersama keluarga Aku memilihmu bukan karena aku tahu aku akan hidup nyaman dengan segala fasilitas yang bisa kamu persembahkan tidak pernah lebih penting dari kebersamaan kita membangun keluarga karena kita tidak hidup untuk hari ini pilih aku jadi istrimu jika nanti kamu malu membawaku ke pesta pernikahan teman-temanmu dan memperkenalkanku sebagai istrimu Meski aku bangga karena kamu memilihku tapi takkan kubiarkan kata-katamu pasangan bukan sebuah trofi apalagi pajangan bukan hanya seseorang yang sedap dipandang mata Tapi menyejukkan batin ketika dunia tak lagi ramah menyapa Rupa adalah anugerah yang akan pudar terkikis waktu dan pada saat itu kamu akan tahu kalau pikiran dangkal telah menjerumuskanmu. I’m in a weird place I was in a relationship with another Muslim man we loved each other very much but I decided to cut it off because I was asking for forgiveness because I had to hide it from my parents He was a good Muslim he prayed he treated me with respect in fact he pushed me to get closer to Allah swt especially when I faced hardship he always told me to go to Him and eventually I did get closer to Him and with that I decided to end the relationship He understood and told me that he could never be mad at me for ending this over religion but how respectful he has always been and how understanding he was when I ended it like is there a way to make this relationship Halal? If you are meant to marry her then you will You don’t have to go out for years have a physical relationship play Romeo and Juliet stress about your age rant on social media about obstacles and disobey Allah to ensure that If that promotion is written for you then you’ll get it You don’t have to sell your principles play politics in the workplace switch on work colleagues and sell your soul to the manager to make sure it happens If you are meant to pass those exams then you definitely will You don’t have to miss prayers and abandon fasting in ramadan to make sure that can happen

[…] hadith studies human rights environmentalism disability marriage and family law sexuality gender relations Islamic ritual law history politics…the list goes on I quickly realized that the Muslim […] […] Btw pesan sponsor Artikel bagus nih Get Over It: 21 Ways to Say Goodbye to that Haram Relationship and Move on With. Sister Can I ask why you feel online muslim match making is such a bad idea? It can be done in an ic manner I agree it is a rare thing and certainly majority of the people online are not very genuine but there are people who are genuine and serious about who are stuck in the same situation Perphaps its a case of being more persistent? I understand how frustrating it can be but there are people you will meet and then realise how other people are not so different than yourself Is there anyone in your family who can help? A close family friend? Do brothers and sisters in your community know you are looking? Around where I stay there are people who offer help over the phone Much like online they take your details and offer numbers of suitable spouses. Asalamu alaikum to all Allah sub made me met a woman for purpose (indulging parents permission) we started talking to each other and an engagement have happened after 2 months (Sept 2015) and our was planned on this Dec 2015 Suddenly last month (November 2015) we had some complicated discussion which leaded to fight and the Wali of the woman have cancelled our Here is my question I have done my Salat al-Istikhara before engaging talking to her and family and i had positive result Should i consider the cancellation as a decree from Allah sub ? Should i consider that it was a good reason which is unknown to me ? Can i do Salat al-Istikhara again to ask Allah to reconcile us if it is good for both of us ? Your brother. There is a huge gap in this article it’s like the elephant in the room that religious people hate talking about But I’m now in my early 40s and I’ve played by all the rules and it’s time we DID start talking about it I stated away from haram relationships I did not make /love/opposite sex the focus of my youth So I concentrated on my studies being obedient finding a good job making sure I did not transgress ic boundaries I was told that good Muslim girls allow their families to introduce them to eligible men when the time is right and to make dua until that time came That time never came My parents grew old one health problem after another I asked them point blank to help but they kept telling me to be patient they would “ask around” but no one wanted to come forward. It doesn’t matter if it’s love or lust Why would that make a difference? You asked Allah for guidance and this woman met another man Don’t you have Allah’s answer? Seriously there are a lot of single Muslim women out there You chose to get hurt by entering into a relationship with a non Muslim Please think about what this has taught you You need to gather your senses drop this infatuation and ask your parents to help you find a nice Muslim girl who will raise your children as Muslims not “whatever they want. […] hadith studies human rights environmentalism disability and family law sexuality gender relations ic ritual law history politics…the list goes on I quickly realized that the Muslim […] This article didn’t say anything about arranged s. My point is to get out of this relationship to avoid any circumstances where he can say that you did something and will not forgive you I left the relationship even though it was then becoming halaal through parents meeting etc because it started off haraam Even though we didn’t commit zina I am ashamed of the things we did This was because this so called “infatuation” was there So please do yourself a favour and don’t fall into this You may say “Oh but I won’t do any of that” and that’s what I said And I had a strong resolve Now I cry and it aches me not because I didn’t marry her but because of the heartbreak and pain I caused her and her parents. What do you do if the boy is suicidal and evertime you leave and tell him you want to leave because you want to grow closer to allah he threatens with suicide he always states “if you leave i promise you i will kill myself” he has attempted suicide the last time i tried to break it off i didn’t witness it but he said he had a knife with him he was also distraught over the phone… i need help i dont know what to do i want to leave i have no feelings at all but he doesn’t understand every time i tell him he manipulates me with the suicide I’ve been praying for allah to give me a sign on what to do but it just gets worse and worse the boy becomes more suicidal Dear Sister Wallahee I wish you what is best for your akhira deen and dunya Its not too late There are some good sites out there like rdeen,com They even have offline events /offline/ and others sites exist too How about speaking to imams of local masjids Some cities even arrange meetups for single Muslims Please don’t give up Please don’t let your current situation turn you into a victim A change of attitude can go a long way to get you motivated to take action to get you closer to your goals I wish you success Not every guy online is looking for a passport….I know you have heard too many horror stories This article really helped me I lost a best friend not just someone who loved But taking some steps from this article into account; I am in a much better position Shes in my dreams at times even today; but with the help of Allah (swt) I am certain one day I will reflect back and I will say ALHAMDULLILAH for the recovery. @vhe thank you soooo much JAZAKALLAH KHAIR! Glad u feel better will continue to remember u in my duas. I down vote because I have become a alcoholic :(‘ Save my name email and website in this browser for the next time I comment It is not about magic sister Its not about having the attitude and poof! it all comes true! I rejected someone for the sake of Allah but I had never had male attention before or after It has been years and despite all my dua no one better ever materialized My childbearing years went by So please don’t tell me that it is all about to happen You can be naïve because you got everything you asked for But for most women it does not work out. Dear sister Naz I read your comments above and i found you very mature and wise MashaAllah… may I know your email so that I can contact you.? I have something to consult it is my story and is related to this article. By the way people it is perfectly OKAY to be single I have been single for over a year now and I have never been this happy and I have been achieving so much I always tell my friends that when you are single you have 27 hours a day What it essentially mean is that you’ll have more time for yourself. I know some people who can only seek comfort in the presence of their significant other After one relationship ends they feel the need to jump into another. Chill people chill Take a breather You don’t need another person to feel sufficient. Try to be comfortable and at peace with yourself with or without a relationship You have the rest of your life to be spent with your significant other so while you’re single might as well really embrace/enjoy it. Okay last point before I hit the sack never settle Ya Allah I can’t stress this enough. Being single is better than being with the wrong person As they say it’s better to wait long than marry wrong. If we dont know what we deserve we will always settle for less But to deserve more we should first be more. Build your character before you choose to build a family Study hard learn new skills take up a hobby read more travel There’s so much that can be done when you’re single for your personal development. Take care of yourself Your health spirituality intelligence akhlak (good character) etc & inshaAllah you’ll get someone who’d do the same. Jazakumlahi Khayran Brother Hassan….May Almighty Allah reward you amazingly I spoke to my mother about him and she was happy and willing as we already know the family to some extent Now his family already knew about me and know that he wants to marry me but want to take their time especially his mother (I suppose it originates from emotional attachment to your son) They want him to cut all contact with me and they’ll pursue the matter in their own time which is partly right but not entirely fair as they’re unnecessarily delaying a halal thing I have two options one to cut off all ties and wait for him to sort things out with his family and this way at least I know that if he wants it badly enough he will make it happen Secondly to cut off ties and move on and never think about him and start considering other Rishtas. Agree with you word for word! Too often we let our desires get the better of us To brother Bleank Dallas You are sincerely NOT the one to set her on the right path Indeed you can guide her to the right path but only to a very certain extent the road to righteousness is to be walked alone the only ones who can support us are our families -non mehram cannot be of support its like asking the devil to assist us in our good deeds there’s no leeway between right and wrong on this occasion Make dua for her and if you feel she really does need some assistance to stay on the right path find her some support from an educated sister There’s a good chance of you losing yourself (mentally and spiritually) if you continue with this Hope I have not caused any offence Balooh. Before getting married like many other unmarried Muslims I used to think would be all rosy and make my life much better In reality it is you who decides to make your life better To expect your spouse to magically make everything okay is an unfair expectation they’re only human after all; like you they have flaws and weaknesses is not a band-aid fix to your problems is helping each other by standing by one another and fixing each other’s problems together. May Allah (SWT) bless our s and grant us wonderful spouses Ameen. Waalaikum Assalam Sister: Can you please clarify what you mean by razaayi brother? As in siblings who were breastfed by the same woman? If this is the case then you are correct it is haraam for you to marry I would advise you to consult our What’s the Matter section. I don’t believe the “ends justifying the means” is an ic principle although I could be wrong The author is focusing on the means and is arguing that the means should be halal The end could turn out great but that’s not going to change something that is haram. I was in this situation too sister have trust in Allah everything will. I made a mistake I wish I took a better approach but it was too late and she got engaged Even though I saw this coming It hurts a lot And I wish I can easily move but I know this will take time for me I am so scared of approaching my married friends about this I am to scared they will not look at me the same agian I am still a student I am not ready for yet I am still hurt Sounds stupid but it just sucks that I let my self into this This article did help me out but I feel so empty and lonely because I am scared to ask for anyone’s help It is hard going at. This post may contain sensitive Mode is onView postWhy am I seeing this?This post contains filtered tagsView post This is so hard harder than I thought but I have to admit that it’s getting easier as day goes by its been two days Its been 2 years 6 months being with him we talked about etc What hurts most is thinking that I won’t be the girl I’ll see him with someone else and that hurts most I feel as though I have shared so much with him my soul my life everything He said he loves me but now he says I feel nothing towards me but I think that’s a lie because he feels different when he sees me I always wanted one man my whole life…I wanted a halal :'( I find it hard not to talk to him even if its him pushing me away WHat do. ‘lovers don’t finally meet somewhere They’re in each other all along.’Lots of love,Aisyah A brother who I know through mutual friends showed interest for the soul purpose of and spoke to his parents before he approached me I come from somewhat difficult family situation and wanted him to know exactly what he was getting himself into before he decided on marrying me So we met in presence of other people to discuss few important matters and which later led to texting and rare phone conversations all discussing important stuff but ones that led to intense emotional attachment (It all stems from the ‘idea’ that someone or something is perfect for you so you want it under any condition especially because what you are asking for is a. Same situation with me I will end all of them in sha Allah Jazaka Allah Kher for such. Dream big about other things and accomplish something real Your whole life and especially your youth is not about you being attached to someone else You’re an individual As the Prophet said: “take advantage of your youth before your old age (Reported by Al-Hakim)” Be with people who you know would not want you to be in that haram relationship The friend who tells you you’re a fool for cutting things off is the one you want to avoid for a while If one or more of your righteous friends knew about the haram relationship you were in then talk to them and let them know you’re moving on It’s a good way to encourage yourself and inshaAllah they will encourage you If they didn’t know about it no need to make confessions Just enjoy your time with them because it will make you a better person I ask that Allah make us all strong That He strengthens the s of those in our ummah and keep us away from all that is displeasing to Him   I quite agree with you I’m not Muslim but I liked the article and found that I agreed with most of the points made except like you said ” If something starts off wrong it doesn’t just become right. Just stay strong and try not to do haram it could be hard sometimes even when your in a crazy situation but you have to fight it because shaytaan is whisper chanting to you to do all the haram things and we just gotta learn to control the emotions. Thank you to who ever wrote this Being young and naïve I too was in a haraam relationship some time ago Being a young muslim growing up in today’s society things are getting harder to differentiate between what’s right and wrong Fortunately I got the courage to break it off ASAP It just felt bad made me feel impure I am trying harder and harder to redeem myself and I pray that Insha’Allah I will one day have a strong enough imaan to never again participate in these sort of acts Jazakallah Khair. Jazakallahu khairun for your thoughts ZAI The line that you’re talking about is actually a saying and understanding of the scholars and is not my own Some scholars use it as a basis for fiqhi rulings The saying is: مابني علي باطل فهو باطل Whatever is founded on falsehood is falsehood (i.e It doesn’t become justified after that) And Allah. Subhanallaah when you’re in that mess you don’t think the solution is so obvious but when you’re out of it and hear of others going through what you went through it appears blatantly obvious! Hi I have read this article several months ago and it helped me I have read it many times and here I am again I dated a non-muslim for almost four years Not only was I ignorant I thought he would convert to I was beyond stupid for thinking I could encourage someome towards by disobeying it The more time passed the more I felt trapped in that relationship I always felt it was wrong but I was so attached I loved it so much I broke up with him a year ago and I’m still struggling to let go and move on I think about him I contact him I know i shouldnt I event changed my number so he would’nt be able to text me out of the blue and for me to rush to him Its just so hard to accept I find myself empty handed I truly loved him and wanted him to convert not only so we could marry but so he could be among the winners My heart is so numb,dark and empty I feel so alone like i have ruined. Not really too different to Cosmo advice to ‘get over your man’ except where they would tell me to go out with my girlfriends you suggest talking to God (Which is good advice!) I have asked many many imams and scholars about this issue and they have all unanimously agreed that there are no channels for Muslim women to get married outside of parents setting them up My only option is to find a non-Muslim man and hope he converts but to do that I would have to have a conventional relationship with him which would involve pre-marital sex That is not something that appeals to me but living alone without anyone who cares about me or about my well-being is tough I’ve done it for 43 years and can honestly say it does not get easier You try to convince yourself that it is normal due to religion but it gets harder to justify as time. I am not sure how long you know this person for but I am telling you now it will be hard (it has been for me extremely difficult) and it will only get better in time I made my mistake which was to say no to her even though she wanted to get married to me And now I’m not even sure if she has forgiven me If she hasn’t then on Yawmal Qiyaama she may say I never forgave him and I want some of his good deeds and if I have no more good deeds left I will take some of her bad deeds This is authentic and is in a hadeeth. The hatred and mistrust on this site for non Muslims is appalling Call yourselves people of Allah yet you peddle this intolerance and division I’m shocked. So I have no alternatives None whatsoever But in the meantime other Muslim girls found ways to interact with the opposite sex have relationships and get married — happily Same with the boys In fact they would have non Muslim girlfriends and when the time came fir their they would get married with great fanfare. But then I didn’t write just to put you up as an example of a sob story I just want to tell you I understand and you have every right to be bitter But one thing I know I know I know you are done with websites But please try half our deen again Maybe you did your 8 yrs worth ages ago idk but my sister has found some real matches there Near perfect matches The only thing is she’s rather picky and emotional sometimes We both get that streak from our mother I in saying…it might work Make more dua Please sister I don’t want to stop hoping even if you have For good reason I might add But I swear I am going to make sincere dua for you every day guaranteed here in Seattle after thuhr prayer It’s a promise My heart goes out to you May Allah bless you and ease your. If you have had 8 years of experience on multiple websites and your experience has been different then please let me know There are no “telephone ic matchmakers’ The prohibition against dating in is based on protection It is not to make things more restrictive or impossible So when someone decides to help a woman get married that person will be doing so by screening the bad apples and instead introducing the girl to men who are known to be decent and a good match It is not a blind-eye procedure like grocery shopping So the telephone marketing is very unusual – give someone your name phone # age education and boom a compatible match is found! What kind of ic process. You destroyed me! I know you will call me shaitan or something But because of this my gf who is a muslim had to leave everything behind and move forward…are you a human? all the things that we talked together everything and it was an online relationship She doesn’t have to fear I can’t do anything to her Yet because of some laws made before facebook and whatsapp came she had to follow them and apply it to our situation Is your heart made of metal to talk. Im happier and there is more barkat in my life ALLAH s.w.t has caused so much ease and brought rishtas in my life Who else but ALLAH s.w.t can help Please read this article by Yasmin Mogahed it helped me as well /2012/06/21/removing-the-intruder-on-treating-love-addictions/ Lots of love and hugs and ill especially keep you in my duas From one sister to another and from one bleeding heart to another The pain may be real and raw and hurt more than anything but believe me I speak from depth honesty and experience It does get better And yes time does heal all wounds And you may think im lying but YOU WILL GET. […] hadith studies human rights environmentalism disability and family law sexuality gender relations ic ritual law history politics…the list goes on I quickly realized that the Muslim […] So you can only have a relationship with a Muslim? You’re all breeding hatred and intolerance Disgraceful article Amazing Article I believe there are two types of love Drunk Love and Sober Love these are terms that I have made up Drunk love is a volatile type of love with very high ups and very low downs Its unstable Your self worth sanity and mood is at the mercy of the other person Or how they treat you Your happiness is dependent on the other person You need and crave their attention and approval The thoughts of that person consume your every waking moment Your mind is totally focused on them Allah does not even enter into your thoughts much less into. This article… Just got to me I totally relate!! I’ve been in relationships (yes plural) However for a while now single It is very challenging to stay single sometimes i just wanna cuddle i want to hold hands and speak through my heart bla bla the peer/social media pressure but to what end?? What did i get from the previous ones? Sins More to atone for,?? Naah I’m good One “random” person will now say “or you’re being too choosy?” Please how would i not be????!!! Half my deen!!! I’d rather not have half my deen ERASED!!!!! (Deen wey i dey nurse like penguin egg?) Maybe I’m still not religious enough to have a man with the level of “faith” I want Or I’m afraid of a man who’s “WAAAAAAAY” more religious than myself (By WAAAAAAY you. I don’t understand why dreaminga bout is wrong Better than dreaming about a boyfriend. Can you elaborate on what you would consider a haram relationship? I just think that muslim girls are not cheap advertisements nor should we be paying someone to help us find husbands This is cruel to cut someone off because you decide to be self righteous ivernight! Allah wouldn’t want you breaking a girls heart so you can be some holy wannabe person! Ever thought of commitment?? You lead on a girl and cut her off because how dare she interfere with your newfound religiosity! How about you be a man and commit!!! Than you won’t have to think about haram But to play a girl and cut her off like she’s disposable is wrong. As someone who has had to do this difficult thing and came out the other end I can vouch that all these points are true and important You cannot love truly until you are a whole person yourself And once you understand this and grow up to be an individual complete person automatically you will be a better partner to another and no longer become needy for another incomplete person But the beginning is really tough Allah will help you through that bit and then trust me it just somehow gets easier as you get stronger and more used to relying. @singlesamosa I personally dont think that is the right attitude to have I know you have been through a lot as I have read above But dont allow the bitterness of certain situations make you lose ALL hope I’m not GOD so I personally cant say when the right person will come in each person’s life But I will say I 110% believe in what I said because I have seen it with my own eyes that when we leave someone for ALLAH s.w.t’s sake you will find someone wayyyyyyyy better Trust me im not trying to be preachy but ALLAH s.w.t says I am as my servant thinks of me So if we think negatively of GOD we will never find anyone Yet if we have a positive opinion of him and think well of him he will. You’re probably thinking that getting over a relationship can’t be as easy as people make it sound Especially since Shaytan spends his days and nights trying to make the forbidden so beloved to you He convinces you that lust is love as he makes your heart skip a beat when you see that special person’s name – in your email on your phone or on your Facebook account. Masha’allah great article! have a question for you where can I ask you? My email ID is na@ . Tbh i think my nikkah will be the only situation where I’ll actually read and agree to the terms and conditions I think will be a good solutions if you like each other Finally I don’t know Duas are all answered either we receive what we wish for we receive something better instead or we receive something better in the hereafter Allah knows what is good for us Honestly if he keeps from us it is a test and He is testing our patience and our subservience We are but mere slaves losing hope in dua is ungratefulness If we are to stay single for a few more years there must be some goodness. My bros and sis am facing it rough the only way to be good in my religion[] is getting married my bros and sis coz yo moslems u r for sure am not financialy stable to get a halal women in our country it requires some good money it’s not that am leaving coz of but acording to the way i am i can hardly perfect it my bros & sis plz any advice of plz i will be greatfull 4 yo consern SALM ALYKUM [W,W] قال الله تعالى: {وَعَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ.} - سورة البقرة“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you Allah knows but you do not know.” (Aayah 216 Al Baqarah)لأنّه يَعلمْ و أنت لا تَعلمْ Because He (Allah) knows and you do not know.فَلآ تتضآيق لأي شَيء يحدُث لك لأنه بإذن الله خَير So do not be angry and annoyed for anything which happens to you because by the permission of Allah it is best for you.يُقآل It is saidلا تكثر من الشكوَى فَيأتِيك الهمّ ، Mashaallah ! Fantastic article Alhamdolillah I never had to face this problem but now I can guide many others around me by sharing the link to this article May Allah bless you. Evaluate what really makes sense in your life with regards to Is it really the right time for you? If not is that time soon? Are there things you have to accomplish before you’re ready? Get the advice of good righteous and knowledgeable people to help evaluate Use this time to develop your relationship with your parents Get their take on things as well and talk to them about how you feel You’ll get great insight and build a stronger relationship with them 15 Know that This Too Shall Pass One of my teachers once told me that all things in life start small and grow except for the calamity which starts big and only becomes smaller You’ll get over this with time You’ll look back and wonder what your problem was and why it was such a big deal at the time And know that leaving what is haram will only make your stronger when you do find the right one by the grace. @aliqa Sorry for the late response it just struck me to see how things were going with you So I checked up on this article Im extremely sorry to hear that things havent been resolved I know how heartwrenching that is and my heart goes out to you My personal experience with Istikhara and the advice given to me my friends and from learning about Istikhara is the answer doesnt always come in a dream or a sign If things are made difficult between you and that person-numerous obstacles conflicts issues fights etc THAT IS AN ANSWER TO YOUR ISTIKHARA!!! I ONLY WAN TO SAY THAT IF SHE LOVES U SO DAMN MUCH… AND HOW CAN U SAY HER THAT **LEAVE ME** **ITS NOT RIGHT** YOU CAN NEVER IMAGINE THE HURT SHE’LL GET FROM THIS STATEMENT :'( IS HURTING PEOPLE GOOD??? I AM VERY MUCH CONFUSED :'( It’s like someone wrote all the comments and the article about my life Two days ago I couldn’t take it anymore after he had put me through hell (cheated lie after lie used me to get his life in the right direction) I gave him lots of chances because I really thought it would work out between us At the beginning he even told me he would convert to be with me Which truly was a lie I ask you brothers and sisters to pray for me and that Allah will forgive me for leaving my iman for almost 2 years I started praying today again and inshallah it will continue in the right direction towards. Im in a similar situation I feel so bad and I want to. Dear Zai I am non Arab I had a similar experience I dont know why I felt so hurt and rejected I learnt that it was because of false attachments Anytime you are falsely attached to anyone and anything other than Allah its no good Allah helped me realize that I was obsessed with the girl and overly attached Allah broke my attachment from people and things In my mind I had to marry an Arab girl because I thought that if my kids learnt Arabic they would be able to read the Quran and be better muslims This of course is an absurd idea Thats how blind I was Anytime you get too attached to anything and anyone in this dunya you are going to lose it Thats how Allah teaches us Be detached from this dunya This dunya is like being in transit for 24 hours at an airport Most muslim girsl that I know are honourable and decent myself included Why would I want to pay money to someone who will not sift through the bad apples for me but just send me “whoever”??? Girls who are chaste deserve far better than that And no prayers are not answered eventually A woman’s ability to have a child is not unlimited I have prayed my entire life for a husband and baby — obviously now that I am 43 I can’t have a baby so it is clear that that dua has not and will not be answered Again I am wondering why Muslims think that internet matchmaking for unmarried girls is an ic process Is there a dignity to the process? Is there hadith that says it is perfectly halaal for an unmarried girl to pay someone to send pictures/profiles. Jangan jadikan aku istrimu jika nanti dengan alasan sudah tidak ada kecocokan kamu memutuskan menjatuhkan talak padaku Kamu tahu betul kita memang berbeda dan bukan persamaan yang menyatukan kita tapi komitmen jadikan aku istrimu jika nanti kamu memilih tamparan dan pukulan untuk memperingatkan kesalahanku Sedang aku tidak tuli dan masih bisa mendengar kata-katamu yang lembut tapi berwibawaJangan pilih aku sebagai istrimu jika nanti setelah seharian bekerja kamu tidak segera pulang dan memilih bertemu teman-temanmu Sedang seharian aku sudah begitu lelah dengan cucian dan setrikaan yang menumpuk dan aku tidak sempat bahkan untuk menyisir dan rumah bukan hanya kewajibanku karena kamu menikahiku bukan untuk jadi pembantu tapi pendamping hidupmu Dan jika boleh memilih aku akan memilih mencari uang dan kamu di rumah saja sehingga kamu akan tahu bagaimana rasanya. As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh Jazak Allah Khair to the author and everyone’s encouraging words for the sake of Allah SWT I definitely have seen first hand the ill effects of being involved in such a relationship Brothers and sisters fear Allah SWT! Please follow the correct process of nikah May Allah SWT grant us pious spouses pious offspring good in this life and the hereafter Amin Marcus If something starts off wrong it doesn’t just become right with time Realize that you never really loved them for the sake of Allah no matter how much you thought you did or what MSA event you met them at You need something that started on the right foundation. Pray namaz…then c ur alcoholic u dont have any one who tells you that is wrong if do so u. Oi HEAR ME OUT NO ITS HORRENDOUS HURTING HER FEELINGS BUT INSHALLAH SHE’LL BECOME SO HURT AND VULNERABLE THAT SHELL TURN TO ALLAH Which is most likely to help you both ‘Love’ with someone doesn’t always last Love with Allah does just try explaining If not goodluck. Assalamalaikum Sister I feel really bad that you are stuck in such a tough situation I know its an old post so im not sure if your issue was resolved or not But if it wasnt my most humble and sincere advice to you dear sister is plzzzzzzzz do Istikhara It will prevent you from making a bad choice If it is good for you then mabrook and if it is not then at least years from now you will be thankful that you thought twice before making a bad choice ALLAH s.w.t the one who created you and fashioned you with his hands in whose hand is your soul The creator and knower of everything HE LOVES YOU AND WANTS WHATS ABSOLUTELY BEST FOR YOU Put your trust and hope in him no matter what his decision or the outcome he will NEVER steer you wrong Is the one who has taken care of you all along ever going to hurt you? ABSOLUTELY NOT Do istikhara with a clear heart and mind knowing ALLAH s.w.t knows everything and he will guide you to what. Wow ! amazing article indeed! i wish i had come across this 3 years back sigh! but its never to late 21 to the point tips ! jazakallah khair Dear Hyde Something has changed in your tone in the comments here What’s up bro? Aly *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or. […] Taken from: /2014/05/13/get-over-it-21-ways-to-say-goodbye-to-that-haram-relationship-an&#8230; […] Link on how to do istikhara /2006/12/25/before-any-major-decision-pray-salat-ul-istikhara/ Please make duaa for me to stay strong!!! inshallah i am in way and i am trying my best and i did all the steps you said … My situation is a bit hard and it involves a non muslim as well even if he was a muslim… from now and on inshallah i will leave anything that upsets Allah and i will never get involved in such a thing I will follow this article step by step inshallah YARABBBB تركت هذا من اجلك يارب اريد هذه الكلمات ان تشهد لي يوم القيامه ربي اغفرلي وارحمني….الحمد لله …كتبت هذه حتي اتذكرها ولاارجع … لحرام ابدا Bismallah now I am starting my journey to Allah!!! Jazakom Allaho Khuraa The email used here is the one i used to use and my purpose here is i want these words to be the last thing using. […] My sister Whatsapped me this today: /2014/05/13/get-over-it-21-ways-to-say-goodbye-to-that-haram-relationship-an&#8230; […] Sober love is a love based on halal foundations Which means you took the halal approach to meeting them and hopefully being married to them Yasir Birjas says that if you are talking to someone for and they say their parents don’t know that they are talking to you for its a major red flag and you should step away immediately until they talk to their parents first Because it means they are too scared or not serious enough about with you Sober love based on true love which means you genuinely care for that persons well being and you want the best for them even if it means you dont get to be with them You want them but you dont NEED then Because every-time you NEED someone you give off desperate vibes and you push people away because you come across as Needy In sober love your main focus is Allah and your spouse is there to remind you more of Allah and to help get you closer. So now he told me that he wants to take a break he is reading Quran lately and been crying alot for repentance I told him I can leave the house so he can focus and be on the right path but if he really want us to be together I am willing to go on the same path with him However he didn’t say a word about me converting So I really don’t know what to do I guess I will just give him the space he wants and think Now he comes back home late 12am or 1am he claimed that he is very busy with work but I think he is avoiding me to not have any conversation with me to maybe change his mind So I decided to just move out I am moving out tomorrow it is hard but I want him to be in the right path because I love him I know he loves me too but I am just not worthy for him What do you think I should do? Aslam walikum I am a 22 years old being stuck in a wrong relationship I met a guy 3 years back I fell in love with him but by passing of time I found out that hez a married man and he tried his level best to hide this When I knew that he was married it was very late for me to take a decision I had physical relationship with him for which I think Allah will never forgive me After 2 years of our relationship now his younger brother fell in love with me and he wants to do nikah My question to all brothers and sisters over there is if any one has got anything to tell me if I am doing the right thing to do nikah to his brother?. I also on the other hand feel that this brother did all he could in his capacity to do this in the right way and in fact spoke to his parents before he told me and his parents aren’t refusing him to marry me but are saying that they want to take. Jazakallahu khaiun for the comments and ZAI for showing me how a line from the article could come across The comment about things not “just becoming right with time” means that it doesn’t just happen by itself with no effort Allah always gives us opportunities to repent and hit the reset button but it takes the right intention and effort on our part The thing about something that doesn’t start on the right foundation not becoming right assumes that you are CONTINUING to build on that SAME foundation The correct foundation should be based on the sincere intention for and done with the correct manners and etiquette If something starts wrong by all means stop it repent and try to do it right! ADEL may Allah grant you what’s best and put blessings in what. Im in a relationship and im trying to get rid of it cause im a true believer Whether this decision make him feels to be revenged This is very relevant as I know a lot of couples who may have started out the wrong way and somewhere down the road became practicing (or were practicing but just stumbled) Now they are happily married with kids However I did get this query once from a similar couple … how do we get over the guilt of our past sins We have acknowledged that we were wrong asked Allah for forgiveness but still the remorse continues considering we can’t forget our past since it was OUR past and we are still US This is a valid concern and may not be there for all couples but I am sure some element exists for such couples Aly *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or. Brothers and sisters no matter how pious you think you are Shaitaan will do a number on you he will work on you bit by bit He will make you think your sin is not so bad he will make you a pro at hiding your justifying your sin to yourself Then when you least expect it he will expose your sin to the world UNLESS YOU WANT TO DESTROY YOUR RUIN YOUR RESPECT AND REPUTATION AND DESTROY YOUR KIDS LIVES PLZZZZZZZZZZZZ PLZZZZZZZZZ PLZZZZZZZZ FOR THE LOVE OF GOD Give up that Haram relationship I beg you You have no idea how much impact a sin especially a haram relationship can take It’s like slow poison it slowly kills everything. Goals: listening to my husband recite Quran. Bismillaah Assalaamu alaykum Thanks so much for this post I like the supportive and encouraging tone May Allah reward you according to the best of your intentions amin! Assalamalaikum Vhe you did the right thing I think what Prophet s.a.w referred to was halal relationships such as family members relatives people of the same gender not non-mahram It is best to keep distance to avoid shaytaan’s trap I know it is very hard but think of the fruit of your sacrifice IA! ALLAH s.w.t will bless you with an amazing spouse and family iA! Never do we leave something for the sake of ALLAH s.w.t but he replaces it with something wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better Trust me these friendships lead to nothing but heartache jealousy and despair It’s still early in the friendship where it is easy for you to let him go it will hurt now but it will hurt much worse if you continue being friends. Jangan jadikan aku istrimu jika nanti dengan alasan bosan kamu berpaling pada perempuan harus tahu meski bosan mendengar suara dengkurmu melihatmu begitu pulas Wajah laki-laki lain yang terlihat begitu sempurnapun tak mengalihkan pandanganku dari wajah lelahmu setelah bekerja jadikan aku istrimu jika nanti kamu enggan hanya untuk mengganti popok anakmu ketika dia terbangun tengah malam Sedang selama sembilan bulan aku harus selalu membawanya di perutku membuat badanku pegal dan tak lagi bisa tidur jadikan aku istrimu jika nanti kita tidak bisa berbagi baik suka dan sedih dan kamu lebih memilih teman perempuanmu untuk bercerita Kamu harus tahu meski begitu banyak teman yang siap menampung curahan hatiku padamu aku hanya ingin berbagi Dan aku bukan hanya teman yang tidak bisa diajak bercerita sebagai seorang sahabat. Keep us in your dua’s and please say MashaAllah! Another halaal way in my humble opinion would be going straight to the person’s parents instead on going on dates with them or asking your mom/dad to talk to her/him and then if both families are okay we are pleased with their religion accept their looks vice versa then ok time! and Allaah. I am in this situation right now and i feel embarrases but i can do with. […] 24 2014quintessentrip Leave a comment […] Hang out with and talk to respectable young religious happily married people Get their advice and use them as an example for yourself in your life They will help put things in perspective for you Ask about their stories of how they got married Ask them for advice and learn from them 20 Lean on Your Friends That’s what friends are for Now you finally have an opportunity to develop stronger bonds with your brothers and sisters (brothers with brothers and sisters with sisters of course or you missed the whole point of the article) It will be much easier now to spend time with them and make each other better people You won’t always have this luxury. This message is for Ehab please email me if you get time I could use some advice and support. I’ve always wanted to express the fact that being single has drawn me farther away from a lot of immoral acts without people thinking “eh she’s just making an excuse for loneliness and inability to find a husband “ By Allah i have not felt happier with myself before now I’m not perfect not even close The strive is real!! The battle within Dunya Akhirah i can say way closer to Allah Masha Allah I worry less I talk less I worship more I’m more confident More dedicated to myself way more content with whatever Allah provides for me May Allah make it easy. I’m not saying we should encourage the haraam here Just saying we shouldn’t make overreaching judgements It just denigrates people and we should never do that about people’s pasts…it drives them away from the faith or prevents them from returning to it I realize part of the intent is to promote halaal “arranged” s but this ain’t the way to do it Aside from insult to the people who didn’t do it that way themselves feeling their is being judged as never right…even after time…any kid can see plenty of the non-arranged s are very very happy and successful and therefore will see through the lie and that’ll make them start questioning religious dictates…. Sister please do not allow someone to keep you hanging like that You say that he’s clearly expressed that he is serious about but I don’t believe that that is as true as you’d like to believe The only way for him to express he’s serious is to talk to the family and propose Either both of you should take the proper steps for right now or you should move on with your life without him If you move on and things work out later on then fine But don’t ruin your future based on his “promise” May Allah grant you a good righteous husband. W alaykumsalam thanks so much i feel relieved now alhamdulillah ^^ Aamiin may Allah. This was truly an amazing article May Allah give me you and the entire Ummah of His beloved Prophet Muhammed (P.B.U.H) the strength courage and ability to turn away from this evil and all other evils out there too Aameen Ehab Hassan is a Muslim youth activist and ic worker He has served on several councils and boards of various ic organizations while concentrating much of his efforts in youth work over the past 15 years He strives to motivate and connect with Muslim youth and families by delivering sermons leading discussions and organizing creative community activities His passions lie in ic manners family development and sharing heart-softening stories as he tries to get the world to feel something – because people can be so numb sometimes By day Ehab is a Mechanical Engineer and by night he is a family man trying to maintain his status as the world’s best dad Ehab resides in Maryland with his wife and three young kids Follow him on Twitter @ehababuayah. Brother Ali Wonderful Allah grant us. Some pieces of advice penetrate the heart Some don’t This did Allahu alam May Allah reward you shower his mercy on you forgive you and grant you ease and relieve in this life and the hereafter Say Ameen people 🙂 Save yourself from all this and go about it the proper halaal way Go through parents Either let your parents find someone with your criteria or ask friends if they know someone with your criteria and then give a number straight away to your mum to call his mum I’m telling you now I don’t want anyone to go through what I am going through It’s emotional torture But if you leave something for the sake of Allah Allah will give you something greater The only thing I am worried about is that she hasn’t forgiven me and that scares me. I agree with you without a doubt muslim girls are indeed not cheap advertisements at all But I don’t necessarily think if you are on a matchmaking website you have been reduced to a ‘cheap advertisement’ You want a husband therefore you are taking the steps to find one? The way I see it Also I do not think all websites charge I am certain SingleMuslim do not charge for females Even if they do I do not think it should be considered a big deal as the society we live in we are charged for everything these days even death comes with a price (The burial etc). Fall in love with Allaah (عز وجل) before you fall in love with someone Work on your relationship with Him before you get into a relationship with someone Marry knowledge before you marry anyone. If you must have that last conversation to tell them you’re moving on then do it Do it over email and keep it short sweet and not open ended by any interpretation Don’t leave things for them to respond to End by telling them it’s something you have to do for the sake of Allah And ask them not to contact you The sooner you do this the better If you’re in the early stages then it’s much easier to stop Relationships progress and before you know it you could be in over your head and it’s not as easy to end it (though always doable). Before we jump into the topic yes I am single. Have I ever been in a relationship? The answer is also yes I know how it feels like to love and be loved the same way I know how it feels to be completely shattered You see different people have different definitions of love I strongly believe that the people we fall in love with can sometimes reflect the kind of person we are For instance I really value religion knowledge and ambition Thus if i were to marry someone I look for someone with these exact characteristics I want someone who has the same goals that I have Someone who will not only fight with me to succeed in this world but also in the hereafter I need someone who works just as hard as I do not someone who is always tired and only cares about sleep No more time should be wasted with whiny and lazy ambitionless boys If you’re serious to pursue a relationship look for. The best of you are those who are the best to their women — Prophet Muhammad Salaam I’m currently in a on off relationship I love this person and want a future with him but I’m not sure what he wants When I try 2 address the topic he tries to put it off till later My intebtikdf have always been to end up getting married to him but what can I do he’s leaving me hanging I need help I’m confused… As Salamu Alaikum For those who have been through such a situation or dealt with those who have can you let us know how long before we get over a person? Jazak Allahu Khayran Umar (radi Allahu anhu) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say ‘If you were to rely upon Allah with the reliance He is due you would be given provision like the birds: They go out hungry in the morning and come back with full bellies in the evening.'” (Ibn Majah) We have such a short lifespan in a few decades you and I will be both be gone from this world may Allah not take us in an ungrateful state Never give up hope sister Allah ho akbar Allah is the greatest Indeed! Current ye@r * Leave this. Asw I would like to talk to someone who has been in this situation I’m in it right now and I’m going to end it at this very second It’s been bothering me and now I realized that Allan is the one I should love Allah has my back he cares loves and nourishes me I’m trying to go on the right path now Please reply… Yes you’re absolutely right! I’m not saying anything outside the halaal should be promoted or lauded…just that the “ends” are not always bad therefore the maxim that what starts bad always ENDS bad is not the case Many people repent and things turn out fine So yes don’t promote the haraam…but let’s stop at that instead of making prognostications or very generalized statements This is a complex matter Allah’s forgiveness and mercy are vast and plenty of 2nd chances in this religion…including in s that might not have started out halaal! Wow Be strong Insha Allah continuously seek Allah’s help I know its easier said than down but you’ve. Naz this is very misleading: “And deep within your heart you will say a resounding and heartfelt ALHAMDULLILAH that you didnt marry him Because you are SOOOOOOOOO Happy and blessed to be married to the man you are married to” I think it is wrong to tell girls that by rejecting someone for the sake of Allah we WILL get married to someone else That is simply not true I have never had opportunities for The article states that we should seek halal methods of finding a spouse but when I ask around as to what those methods are the quick response is online dating websites You have to be prepared to be single and childless if you want to say goodbye to someone who cares about you Because Muslim women don’t date to contact strange men our opportunities are limited So yes stay away from friendships with the opposite sex but also be prepared to sit alone at home for the rest if. It took many years for her family to accept that she wasn’t being brainwashed into accepting and that she wasn’t falling into a of our family’s wanted the best for us but were giving into their fear of the recognized this and grounded ourselves in good old knew we’d be married one day we could see it in our minds and that we’d do it with the approval of our ’s exactly what happened last weekend Both of our family’s were at our wedding and couldn’t be happier that we found each other hing that is good in life takes hard work and did this for the sake of Allah and held on tight until now because of the belief that we would shatter stereotypes pave the road for others in our community with the same challenges and of course fulfill half of our can do. Salam alakom brothers and dear sister I have just have gotten out of a haram relationship of 2 forgive me as I got into this relationship not wanting to be with her as I knew alot of bad qualities I don’t know if I was deep in lust I gave up most of my freinds because there was alot of problems if I still hung out with them She told me things that made think about this relationship everyday I could never believe her stories but I put up with them because I thought I loved her She was my only freind but left me in the end and admitted to the stories that I had a feeling were lies I told her I would leave that behind but she told me she just can’t be with me because we had alot of problems with me not believing her I know struggle but I know I ddon’t want. Later on when we talk about he just say he is not ready and his financial status is not stable to make a family Which I understand already that he changed his mind He said I will never like the culture in Egypt and neighbors and relatives will dislike us Now that he is so stressed and filled with work he became so depressed and feeling more guilt inside his heart Sometimes he wonders if he will not be able to wake up one morning and he goes to hell So he spoke to his mom as she is very religious and asked for an advise So she told him what will happen to his soul and he got scared. Salam… Its only less than a month since my breakup And everyday is a struggle Although i do constantly pray everyday and make supplications for strength sabr and trust that Allah will help me heal and move on completely ;( @lulu Because i have been through this situation and i didn’t ask the man i was in love with now i regret because at that time when i asked him to send the proposal he was not having any job but he was willing to send the proposal after the immediate completion of his study But i ignored him for good but all he was asking nothing no touching no talking nothing but only time But i ended up brutally There are circumstances if you love someone you will have to analyze whether he demands anything wrong? does he demand even a bit of wrong? whats unacceptable in ? Sister Make your decision before its. Oh sister thank you for sharing your story Its always heartwarming to hear about returning to faith :-) N agree with you completely -the key is to prioritize who is more important Its a sign of self respect to realise your worth to your creator n that you deserve better than to indulge in haraam It devalues us mentally,spiritually n in some cases physically being in a haraam relationship May Allah guide us all and keep us steadfast Allah swt knows best n will give us good,but we must be prepared to control our nafs :-) May Allah reward you for being patient n grant your dad a place in Jannah :-) Salaam please everybody guide me,i m n this situation he loves me alot he cares for me he is my everythng…bt we can’t get marry it is haram in he is my razaayi brother bt we do love each other although we know it now he is engaged nd he doesn’t talk to his fiance he doesn’t go to thier home he even fight whenever somebody tke thier name we live in joint family i knw all about him he says that go with me abroad i know him he is very serious with me and its going when i was 7 yers old he is 7 years elder to me now he has created new issue in home that i will not marry to taht girl etc etc please tell me what should i do???whenever i talk to him about our wrong relation he gets angry he says don’t leave me please give me suggestion i am mbbs student i know my career is bright insha ALLAH bt please gv me suggestion thnksss Scarlet_Zooyork@ Its 2016 and i just come across this article I just came to my senses after a 7yrs relationship Alhamdullilah with Hidayah from Allah swt The phase of it is so difficult and challengin If anyone could further encourage and motivate MasyaAllah will be. However my competitive nature kicked in and to prove this white chick wrong I began reading the Quran…Reflect on how unreal this made her (not a Muslim) a medium through which he would call me towards At the exact same time I was a medium for her to see an that was different to what the media promoted.I began performing my daily prayers I stopped smoking and I quit some other nasty began researching in depth attended prayers in mosques and befriended many and a half years ago she became a Muslim and did so because she felt it was the knew we wanted to be together but our family’s approval would be challenging to took many years for my family to get over their fear that a white girl was manipulating me and simply acting like she was a Muslim so I could fall into. “As for the one who is conscious of Allah He prepares for him a way out And He provides for him from sources that he could never imagine.” (Quran 65:2-3) The Prophet tells us in a hadith that Allah says: “When my servant comes to Me walking I go to him running.” (Bukhari) Jangan buru-buru menikahiku jika sampai saat ini kamu masih berpikir mencuci adalah pekerjaan perempuan Aku tak akan keberatan membetulkan genting rumah dan berubah menjadi satpam untuk melindungi anak-anak dan hartamu ketika kamu keluar aku dari daftar calon istrimu jika saat ini kamu berpikir mempunyai lebih dari satu istri tidak menyalahi ajaran agama Agama memang tidak melarangnya tapi aku melarangmu menikahiku jika ternyata kamu hanya mengikuti egomu sebagai laki-laki yang tak bisa hidup dengan satu perempuan aku dari daftar calon istrimu jika saat ini masih ada perempuan yang menarik hatimu dan rasa penasaran membuatmu enggan mengenalkanku pada teman-temanmu Kamu harus tahu meski cintamu sudah kuperjuangkan aku tidak akan ragu untuk meninggalkanmu. Agree w/ most of the points in the article Just disagree with this part: “If something starts off wrong it doesn’t just become right with time.” Not true Plenty of Muslims have started off relationships that were wrong but have ended up in very happy s To deny this and make it seem as though only the totally arranged s lead to happiness is to deny reality for the sake of ideology Many Muslims found someone in a less than ideal or even haraam way but later on the spouses both become more practicing and are in happy s regardless…Divorce and unhappiness rate is about equal for both “arranged” and so-called “love” s Further many non-Muslims have converted upon to a Muslim after a relationship that didn’t start off halaal. But with the encouragements nd words have received I will be alrght Thanks brothers and sisters we indeed have our own lives to lead Allah love and cares about us lots let’s stay strong. Hedaia,i was also in that situation but Alhamdulillah am out of it no one helped me but Allah and myself its very easy to get out. Thank you for reminding me about dua and about the internet matchmaking websites I am in my 40s so I have been making these duas my entire life — it is not new information Also I have not “heard horror stories” about the online matchmaking — I have been on these sites for years so I have experienced the unusual characters online first-hand The question still remains — what can a muslim woman do on a practical level to find a husband I think it is great that we can make dua but that is a spiritual practice Unless you can tell me some hard data that a woman in the west who makes dua WILL find a spouse I can tell you that sitting in my house reading dua will not make a muslim husband magically appear on my front doorstep. Asalumaikam I m a muslim I love a boy but he rejected me he insulted me but still i jave feelimg for him i want to forget him but it is difficult for me he ia totally different from me like im everything Salams dear sisters and brothers Let me share my experience… i feel the foundation of every relationship is a test including haram and halaal ones. So you got with a guy your a guy and you want to end the relationship? Brother ehab i told a person directly to marry me n i m having a relationship with him I realised that true love z the love of Allah then i decided to leave him n told him a said ok i m leaving he called me n started saying me i couldnt imagine u would betray me i felt that i m not a good person for i didnt produced a sound reason for leaving this i told him to forgive me n we started again this on fake as u said it z haraam i want to end thisl relationship i dont know how to deal with him is the best ic reason to convence him because i tried to leave him but failed please. Married to this sister but it really hurt how she just left me alone with no one to talk to I sacrificed alot for her She wasreally good to me but also there was alot of haram I this relrelationship I’m 21 years of age and in a confused state as I don’t know what to do and am not in school now There isalot more to this story but I ddon’t want to take. Leon there is no such thing as a “happy ending” Life is full of hurts and disappointments It is very self-reassuring to say that if you are a good person things will work out and you will get what you want More often than not life does not work out that way Eventually your inner pain will subside and you will. Brother a beautiful article But I am in a huge dilemma Could you please contact me via email as i Could really do with some advice Jazakallah. The thing about dua is its not magic nor is it advisable to assume I have made dua – it did not work – I will not try again It’s all about patience and trust I guess you are probably quite near the end of your tether and feel you are left but to feel that way But Allah swt makes ways out of every situation for us I am sorry I cannot offer more practical advice I do hope someone comes along with a better solution than myself May Allah help you find comfort and make life easy. Hyde are you the same fellow who commented on Asharis Assemble?(strange place to say the least) If so I don’t think I am too surprised Please do not sound so strange and return to the Hyde I used to kind of know and love Instability is never a. This is not the time to make a deal No putting thoughts in each others minds about “when the time is right” or “let’s revisit this if neither of us are married by the time we’re 19.” They may try to do the same to you Don’t let it happen This will make you both miserable will make things harder and will make it impossible to move on 3 Cut the Cord Delete all the emails texts Facebook messages phone number voice mails and anything else you have that reminds you of that person Avoid situations where you will run into them as much as possible Avoid talking to them in general and definitely not without someone else present Don’t try to find out what they’re up to and stop cyber-stalking them So quit looking them up on Facebook don’t follow them on Twitter and knock off whatever other sneaky ways you have to find out what’s going on in. After I went cold turkey by trying to tell her that we were incompatible (again I know I should have known after 4 years of talking to her) I knew I had hurt her That was not my intention My intention like yours was to get married to her and that was clearly shown through the fact that I waited 4 and a half years and also met her family several times What I am trying to say is that if he wanted to marry you he would get on with things He would tell his parents he would take charge and actually do something The fact that he is not doing anything shows that he is not interested Salaam I was in the exact situation I asked Allah to help me as I did not want to be courting someone with in days Allah took the hurt away I asked Allah I want a halaal relationship Allah has run to me to the r extent where I wake up at night reading salawaat or anything … just talk to Allah and Allah loves u for he listens Tearfully I acknowledge all the points but will it can’t abide by them…love. If there’s one thing a relationship has taught me it is the importance of maturity when it comes to love NEVER indulge in a relationship just because it’s a ‘nice’ feeling If you want to be with someone might as well be with a person who will help bring the best out of you spiritually mentally and also emotionally. If the relationship you are in is leading you towards the haraam leave No buts It is just the end of a toxic relationship not the end of the world.  “I want to get married and I read the verse: ‘Pure women are for the pure men and pure men are for the pure women.’” (Quran 24:26) 12 Follow Up with a Good Deed “Verily the good deeds erase evil deeds.” (Quran 11:114)   So you feel like you slipped and messed up Follow up with something good Give charity Pray at night while others are sleeping Feed the hungry Fast some extra days Just be thankful that Allah saved you from something that could have gotten worse He is the Most Forgiving the Most Merciful. Too Late for Me Have beautiful daughters destroyed every thing by making wrong decision what call shaytan’s love emotions Now have to suffer all life … Please youth don’t even come close to this trap of Love before It will destroy years of your forefathers hard work and if you are practicing Muslim then have to live a miserable and hell life in this world Pleas stay away from Non Muslim relationship Jangan pilih aku jadi istrimu jika nanti kamu berpikir akan mencari pengganti ketika tubuhku tak selangsing sekarang Kamu tentunya tahu kalau kamu juga ikut andil besar dengan melarnya tubuhku Karena aku tidak lagi punya waktu untuk diriku sedang kamu selalu menyempatkan diri ketika teman-temanmu mengajakmu buru-buru menjadikanku istrimu jika saat ini kamu masih belum bisa menerima kekurangan dan kelebihanku Sedang seiring waktu kekurangan bukan semakin tipis tapi tambah nyata di hadapanmu dan kelebihanku mungkin akan mengikis kepercayaan harus tahu perut buncitmu tak sedikitpun mengurangi rasa cintaku dan prestasimu membuatku bangga bukan justru buru-buru menjadikanku istrimu jika saat ini kamu masih ingin bersenang-senang dengan teman-temanmu dan beranggapan aku akan melarangmu bertemu mereka setelah kita menikah. عَسى تَأخيرك عَنْ سَفر “ خَير”It is highly possible that you being delayed from a journey is better for you.و عَسى حِرمآنك مِنْ زَوآج “بَركة”And it is highly possible that you being deprived of is a blessing.و عَسى طّلآقّك منّ زوجك “راحة”And its highly possible that your divorce from your spouse is ease.و عَسى رَدك عَن وَظيفة “مَصلحة”And it is highly possible that you being refused a position is in your best interest.و عَسى تَأخرك و حِرمآنك مِنْ طِفل “خَير”And it is highly possible that a delay in having a child or being deprived from one is for. Let your love of Allah fill your heart There is a fulfillment that you will never get from people that only the Most Merciful can fulfill Know that He has always taken care of you when you had nowhere else to turn to Ask for His forgiveness and put your trust in Him He will not neglect you And don’t be afraid to be alone sometimes… just you and your Creator. With all due respect I wish you had not said that Girls who are chaste deserve far better than that?! May Allah give goodness to ALL muslims chaste or not who are we to judge good women are for good men but we cannot judge who is good Allah swt knows best Sister its the times we live in we are unfortunately the products of broken societies (Speaking for the majority) Generations ago people would marry very close within communities and there were a lot more love between people But everything has changed and we are forced to find partners in a not so ideal way It can be done with dignity Some people choose to initiate contact with men only through their brothers/fathers I cannot see why it would not be halal if the lady was covered? The key is to prioritize who is more important Allah or somebody else Once you have passed His test and accepted that is your path of life and commit to it everything will fall into place may Allah grant us guidance and Sabr for those who are seeking help from the Almighty Allah may not provide with what you want but will give you what you need Allah. @lulu Yes There is contact him and ask him to send the proposal for but don’t close the doors for him if he is doing nothing except talking there are only few people in the world as. Dear Bleank Dallas Dont fall into the trap of justifying our sins She is playing the role of damsel in distress and you are attracted to that because you can be her savior Perhaps you are both enabling each other What makes you think that if you leave you would be “throwing her to the wolves”? That is your ego talking….making it seem that you are the only one who can “save” her Dont let your concern for this girl make you disobey Allah. I pray you marry a man that will listen to your worries with an attentive ear.A man that will take your tears seriously.A man that won’t be annoyed when you falter.A man that will make every effort to see you smile.A man that will put you above even his greatest passion.A man that will protect your precious heart. Salaam Alaikum! This was trully beautiful insightful and very informative I needed to read this Sometimes as people we live in denial and do not realize the truth until someone points it out Being in unislamic relationship has torn me down and broke me into many pieces where i felt like i couldn’t escape Reading this showed me that everything was wrong with that relationship because I believed we were doing everything right But the truth was I was doing everything wrong. This comment is old but if you want to talk about it or need advice let me know ill give you my email I was here before too and it was very hard but also the best thing I’ve done I won’t lie I miss it sometime but I feel much more relieved than I was in the relationship It’s never worth it This isn’t my right email since I don’t want my info out if it won’t be used so like I said just let me know if you need advice Male/female friendships are tempting and seem comforting but they hurt like a beast later on which is why ALLAH s.w.t told us to stay away from them Hang out with ur female friends and strengthen ur relationship with ALLAH s.w.t to fill the void Good luck ur in my duas IA! take care and loads of hugs good luck and well wishes you can do it sis <3 One day you will make the firm decision to walk away and better your life and move on You will probably run into him somewhere with his family and you wont see him and feel hate or bitterness You will probably be happy for him and smile and walk on And deep within your heart you will say a resounding and heartfelt ALHAMDULLILAH that you didnt marry him Because you are SOOOOOOOOO Happy and blessed to be married to the man you are married to Plus you will find out much later in time that it was a blessing in disguise you didnt marry him because you wouldnt be able to put up with half the stuff his wife puts up with or the difficulties imposed on her How do I know this will happen well my dear I’ve been there Take care of urself keep praying n ill be praying for u. I totally agree with Zai My relationship did not begin in a halal way but now we are both practicing Muslims have been married for almost 10 years and have two kids Is our not halal because of its bad foundations? Do you suggest that we get divorced? What should we do to make it halal? Is asking Allah for forgiveness enough? (Which I’ve done plenty of times.) I’m not advocating for haram relationships but I do not believe that beginning in sin is a death sentence that will always leave someone in sin otherwise what would be the point of my shahadah? Otherwise the article contains very good advice not just for youth but for all adults that may faulter and slip into temptation. When I was almost 40 I met a nice kind loving individual who was not Muslim but who wanted to marry me Of course I had to reject him What do you think I’m now going to find a nice kind living Muslim and have children? Of course not I gave up that chance precisely because of everything written in this article and as usual I have been left without a partner without children lonely etc At the time and for years afterward I prayed my guts out at every waking moment Umm Salimah — well she was my heroine! But here I am 4years later no husband no children fending for myself — and Muslims do not give a s–t That is a bitter pill to swallow And I don’t know why you are not being frank with your readers and telling them that there are few options for Muslim women to get married where the parents are not social butterflies and have all sorts of connections Other than the website matrimonial advertisements. If you don’t mind me asking why do you say that you have to suffer now? As salaamo alaykum Since you have decided to strive for good always remember that Allah swt loves you and wants you to come to the true path of life and HE is the most gracious and the most merciful He is forgiving above all…Anything in this life which has good intentions to start with in the name and way of Allah swt will always have good in it and best ending…May Allah swt bless all to the. Before …if someone is 100% committed….like engaged …and then involved in message/call romantic or even sexual type relations…then is it right?? Knowing the fact that u both will BE married after somtime….? Dear Ali Aww ur comment about drunk love and sober love woke me up I was nodding my head to all the words you wrote Beautifully put Thank you for opening my eyes Although I do have a question is there a way to change the drunk love to sober love We might mistake lust for love but we can not mistake the mental connection we have with someone It’s hard to deny when a person understands you knows everything about you and still accepts it It’s hard to let go of that so before ending it… is there a way of fixing it ? Please do let me know Jezakumulah. I think also you are likely very young I’m in my 40s and I’ve always believed that with dua I will have a family of my own a loving husband and children My family of origin (parents) was not very happy so I thought I would get my happy family as an adult So here I am in my mid-40s and I have made dua all my adult life thought good of Allah all my adult life and I am alone all my adult life no family that loves me and a very stressful financial situation So there you are You may have had a good outcome but I did not I will probably never have children now – it is biologically impossible I don’t have anyone helping me find a husband and that has been the case for years – despite. Long story short: attraction and desire to be with the opposite sex is normal It is not “shaitan whispering in your ear” If parents choose to immigrate to a non Muslim country then they must bend over backwards to ensure that we have opportunities to fulfill our own hopes dreams and desires for a husband intimacy and family. The QUEST FOR LOVERelationships has never been something I’m brave enough to write about especially in public The love between a man and a woman to me is very personal Add religion into the equation and it just becomes very sacred to me I do not wish to write too long since I have classes tomorrow at 9am and it’s exactly right now However I just need to let a few things off my chest because it has been bothering me for quite a while now Also due to my hectic schedule this is the only time I have to write- though I swear to god I’m super sleepy. This is not a debate about the permissibility of music One thing that’s for sure though is that music will spark certain emotions when you’re most vulnerable Every song will be about you two Just lay off of it for a bit and give yourself some time off 6 Stop Wondering Don’t keep wondering if they’re thinking about you and don’t give them the opportunity to let you know that they are Let other more important things occupy your thoughts Don’t allocate an hour to stare at your ceiling before going to bed Read a book instead Assume they’re doing fine without you and hopefully they’ll assume the same about you Keep your dignity. Did Single Samosa get married? I wish she would come back here and tell us what happened regarding her There is not a force in the heavens and the earth who can prevent you from anything that Allah has written for you He is al-Razzaq He is the one who sustains everything in the heavens and the earth He does not ask you for rizq He simply asks you to obey Him to remain patient and have taqwa Allah has promised that He shall make a path of ease for all those who remain conscious of Him and He shall provide for them from places that they could never have imagine Mohammad Aslam

Adam you’re not alone at all I <3 you and Allah <3s you. Your email address will not be published Required fields are marked *Comment Name * Email * Website Hapus aku dari daftar calon istrimu jika saat ini kamu berpikir menikahiku akan menyempurnakan separuh akidahmu sedang kamu enggan menimba ilmu untuk itu Ilmuku tak banyak untuk itu dan aku ingin kamu jadi imamku seorang pemimpin yang tahu kemana membawa jadikan aku sebagai istrimu jika kamu berpikir bisa menduakan cinta Kamu mungkin tak tahu seberapa besar aku mengagungkan sebuah cinta tapi aku juga tidak akan menyakiti diriku sendiri jika cinta yang kupilih ternyata jadikan aku sebagai istrimu jika kamu berpikir aku mencari kesempurnaan Aku bukan gadis naif yang menunggu sang pangeran datang dan membawaku ke seperti itu terlalu menyesatkan karena sempurna tidak akan pernah ada dalam kamus manusia dan aku bukan lagi seorang gadis yang mudah pernah berpikir menjadikanku sebagai istrimu jika kamu belum tahu satu saja alasan kenapa aku harus menerimamu sebagai suamiku. I can only assume from your responses that I am right — does not have resources (other than the Internet — which is NOT ic at all — and making dua) that allow a woman to find a husband Basically if she does not have family helping her she is out of luck completely I have asked this question over and over to religious people and their only answer is the internet and dua I fail to see how an Arabic-speaking Imam who leads juma in the mosque can facilitate — that has not happened in my city and it never will The imams serve one purpose only which is to lead prayers. Can we end the haram relationship and then marry when the time is right by halal ways ?? it ll also help to keep away from new haram relationships Discover your talents Get into things that you’ve always wanted to try but didn’t Develop your skills in something you enjoy Take time to do things that will be tough to do once you get married and have less time for yourself 17 Do Things to Feel Good About Yourself Take care of yourself in these tough times – your mind body and soul Read a book study hard for your classes eat healthy get exercise drink a lot of water dress nicely listen and read more Quran listen to a good lecture volunteer at an ic function… basically anything and everything that normally makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something good Be kind to yourself. I personally know of 2 women one was blind the other partially deaf they both got married TO AMAZING MEN Im pretty sure you have been endowed with all of your faculties and vision hearing speech etc So then why do you feel so hopeless and bitter No one has had an amazing past or plenty of admirers But that doesnt mean you give up hope exude a positive attitude dont give up on prayer and remember is give and take There is no perfect man out there My dua is that you believe in miracles and the power of duas and you find a man who makes you love and believe in ALLAH s.w.t again I say this because I know my ALLAH s.w.t doesnt leave anyone empty handed and he will bless you with such an amazing amazing amazing man that you will be awed by ALLAH s.w.t’s miracles and powers He is greater than us and our limited minds knowledge and thoughts He can make the impossible POSSIBLE DONT STOP BELIEVING =) Dear Hyde Allah swt has blessed you with enough strength to overcome anything he puts in your way There is nothing in our lives that Allah has not given us a solution for Put your love into yourself and into your imaan if it is to be then Allah willing nothing will stand in your way Take the halal route or find the courage to let it go Allah is sufficient for us truly may we be guided to remember it and truly believe it Allowing ourselves to love in this way is nothing but self neglect and deluding ourselves Our hearts our families and above all our Rabb deserves more from us May Allah keep us all on the path that leads to true contentment there is only one true path to everlasting peace/happiness and that is keeping within the laws that have been set for us The longer we engage in this the more attached we become All my sarcastic and witty remarks and comments do not play here; please ask the writer if he could contact me Hmmm # 9 10 & 11 are perfectly right until u miss understood those. Omar that sounds not like a healthy love Knowing that treu love is for God only and than his messenger etc You better turn to God and not dreaming about her You can allways make dua of course I have the same problem as you but i didnt much take care about the sad feelings When it comes yes it hurts because i know what he means to me But i prefer to think positive and make dua to I also think God knows better than us if we are the right one for each other So put your trust in Allah and make dua but please fall not into a depression because its the decree of Allah and He knows better. Jzk for replying sister! I have repeatedly done Istikhara however haven’t still come to any conclusion May be this is Allah’s decree I’m everyday battling to end any emotional attachment from my side as I know the odds are against us for marrying In past whenever I have done istikhara Allah has directed me to right path and helped me make the right decision I feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong or maybe I’m letting my emotions cloud my judgment. @hyde Are you ok bro? If there is something I can do to help please dont hesitate. I cannot actually believe some people can think that a functioning relationship could come between Allah Our prophet wants us to be happy and he wants to help us The way I see it that means be a good person in whatever what that means to you Help others make others happy and make yourself happy That is all there is to it A relationship involving intimate relations literally only provides positive effects if used with consederation. I went through the same situation and I went cold turkey alhamdulila I can safely say it works and I am closer to Allah. Ya Allah Ya Rabb Ya Mujeeb Ya Azizoul Hakeem Ya Jabbaar Ya Mutakkabeer Zul jalaalee wal Ekram,… assist our sisters in wherever they are and grant them what is best for them in this dunyaa and the Hereafter Ameen ya Rabbal alameen ! I agree completely with the points its difficult oh gosh its insanely hard to let go but when all odds are against you you know that this relationship will not result in for any reason then there’s no point in wasting each others time waiting and ‘hoping’ that it MIGHT happen Its best to stop everything pray to Allah and ask for this person to be in your life if he/she is best for you if Allah wills NOTHING can stop it from happening. But I make dua for Allah to help u’s get back together and marry Is that wrong? I told her 1000000 times we gonna end this if we wont marry but she keeps me on a leash My heart doesnt only skip a beat My whole body trembles I lost My Hair because of the stress I have insomnia in devistated My love is deep I dont want someone else And even if I would mag Allah forgive me for dating and thinking this but I am ugly and will never find a Good wife But even if I did I want her Yet still Im Trying to end iT but she wont leave me alone but doesnt want to commit as Well I cant live in this harram shaytan relationship I dont know What to do anymore i will never get over her I cant even breath normal This has been going on for years and its bot getting any easier! Wow it really nice i did it because i want to be feel better He absolutely does sister! Take it from a person whose been in your. "> Also keep in mind the prayer of need Salaatul Hajaat. That is different from person to person You won’t get a uniform answer Very generally though if it was a close attachment…can expect for it to take a few months at least Again other factors like your personality temperment whether you successfully concentrate on other matters have a good support structure of friends family and colleagues will all play a role Very generally a few months atleast if it was a close attachment Personally it took me about a 6 months or so…emotionally There might be some negative baggage that stays with you for good though I was rejected by an Arab girls parents…so I will N-E-V-E-R try for inter again Will stick to my own Afghan community where I feel secure at my. You are not responsible for whatever he you’re choosing to do the right thing by committing to halaal and he wants to commit a haraam(suicide) because of that the Shuyookh say you have no hand in it Most people who emotionally blackmail like this have no real intention to actually go ahead and kill themselves You can tell his parents or some responsible elder about him If he cannot allow you to grow spiritually and is guilt tripping you now what will happen later? May Allah make it easy for you -Ameen This is a Very very good article however music and movies are so strongly intertwined with haraam elements that suggesting a movie as a time filler is a bad mistake It can create or open up the void again May Allah grant us all taufeeq and hidayah- Ameen Date everyone and then get married by your parents choice That’s how Allah intended it right? Thrs no haraam or halal ppl are people It’s ur intentions that have you asking such questions You marry the one you want to spend the rest of your life with The Muslim community is notorious for this type of behaviour It’s not wrong It’s healthy and normal But if you fantasize about sex and motherhood you may have a hard time accepting it if they don’t happen. Well….doesn’t this make me feel hopeless…… Feels like we’re setting an unrealistic standard After this I don’t know how it’s possible for me to meet anyone! Anyone Muslim i.e… I am non-muslim yet believed that this article is very helpful I was once in what you called “haram” relationship for almost 5 years Though I am still strugling and hurting Alhamdullilah i am moving on May Allah bless.

September 12, 2018